Sir Pickle and the Meanie-Bad Chocolate Stealing Knight


This story sees the return of Sir Pickle, thrust back into the fray following the terrible theft of some chocolate trees. Will she defeat the meanie-bad knight? Will she save the chocolate? Will the laws of poetry be mangled yet further? All will be revealed…


Sir Pickle’s only four years old, the smallest knight around.

Yet take her chocolate and her battle cry’s a fearsome sound.

She travels far and wide in search of chocolate-flavoured treats,

Then shares them with the chocolate poor, though some of them she eats.

For Pickle is a chocolate fan, she’s also rather keen,

On nougat, toffee, fudge and double mint and choc ice cream.

Each morning starts the same old way, a chocolate bar or three,

She showers, puts her armour on, then sees what she can see.

Some days she’ll ride around the town and give to those in need,

Some chocolate here, some chocolate there, so many will she feed.

This day begins just like the rest, with chocolate and armour,

But it changes for the worst, when she bumps into the farmer.

‘Sweet Pickle’ he proclaims in tones that speak of panicked fright.

‘Some thief has stolen all my crops, they’ve vanished over night.’

‘What crops?’ Sir Pickle asks him, ‘have you lost your brussel sprouts?’

He shakes his head, his face pales, ‘I’ve been robbed by lousy louts.’

‘They’ve taken all my chocolate trees, pinched every single one.

‘There’s no more chocolate,’ then he bows his head and sobs, ‘I’m done.’

Sir Pickle rises from her chair and pats him on the shoulder.

‘Fear not, my man, I’ll find your trees before you’re one day older.’

She dashes out and on her trusty steed Sir Pickle leaps.

Her horse goes charging through the town whilst all its people sleep.

The sun is barely up but still Sir Pickle is a riding,

The robbers, meanies that they are, will want to be a hiding.

Alas for them, they do not know, of Pickle’s magic power,

She smells those chocolate trees and flies like bees right to a flower.

Her nose tells her the way to go, and soon she sees the robber.

It’s Foulsome Phil, an evil knight, his chin covered in slobber.

The scent of chocolate fills his mind and sends him all a crazy.

The facts, the truth and right and wrong, get all a little hazy.

He shouldn’t steal, he knows that well, yet still he’s pinched the trees,

The power of their chocolate yum has brought him to his knees.

Sir Pickle halts her horse and cries, ‘Sir Phil, arise and face me,

‘I challenge you to duel for the prize of chocolate safety.

‘Should I win, the trees go back and you can leave my town,

‘And should I win?’ he asks, his face all growly with a frown,

Sir Pickle laughs and shakes her head, her long hair flowing freely.

‘Poor Phil, surely you know by now, that nobody can beat me?

‘There’s chocolate at stake and there’s nothing quite so serious,

‘Beat me? Hah! You must be mad, at least a bit delirious.’

Finally Sir Phil stands up, his sword gripped in one hand.

Sir Pickle leaps down with a smile, this is just as she planned.

Sir Phil towers high above her, but there’s one thing of which she’s sure.

When someone big comes toppling its much further to the floor.

Sir Phil attacks but Pickle ducks, sneaks closer to the brute,

With her first swing she slices through the laces in his boot.

She ties them to the other whilst he readies his next blow.

Then scampers back and calls him on to have another go.

He lunges, trips, his feet go blurp, and Foulsome Phil comes crashing.

Sir Pickle leaps atop his back, her wondrous smile a flashing.

But honour matters whether you’re a thief, or you’re a knight.

So Pickle clambers down and tells Sir Phil that it’s not right.

To steal all the chocolate, though the temptation is sore.

But maybe just a leaf or two, to tuck inside your jaw.

Better yet, the brave knight says, go buy some from a store,

Then share it round cos you can always go and buy some more.

Then Pickle takes the trees back to the farmer and he cries.

‘Sir Pickle, you’re the bravest knight, please choose a tree your size.’

She picks the smallest, takes it home, then picks one single leaf

The sweetest chocolate fills her mouth, all thanks to Phil the thief.

She knows it’s wrong to hope that he might strike again some day.

But if he does, she’ll be right there, just like the legends say.

Sir Pickle is a brave young knight, on whom you can rely.

She quests for chocolate, day and night, to fill up her supply.

But should you need some chocolate, she will always come to call.

Cos Sir Pickle is the kindest knight, the kindest one of all.